Science Wounds My Pride
Junior year really isn’t very fun. I have a lot of classes with a lot of homework, which are, of course, pretty damn boring. Except for biology class, taught by a Mr. Isaac Von Wirt*.
First of all, biology is interesting! Well, at least it has been so far. We’ve been learning about evolution, cladograms, mollusks, differentation, and why birds pee to cool off. As a lover of the natural world, I am enjoying the class. As a jackass, I am enjoying the unintended humor.
Secondly, my Mr. Von Wirt resembles Frankenstein, and I kid you not. He looks as though he were constructed painstakingly by someone who didn’t spend any time in sunlight. His mode of speaking is very similar, as well, to a vicious lurching monster with a heart of gold. Plus he really can’t spell at all.
In addition to the “pendallum” incident (note: see “Frankenstein Describes Biology To Me”), I would like to record another occaison where I noticed that scientists are constantly making fun of each other. During one night’s homework, in which I was to research the different types of bacteria, I came across the word ‘peptidoglycan’.
As anyone would when stumbling upon a strange word, I sounded it out phonetically. The result was a charming ‘pep-tee-dog-lee-can’. It worked for me.
The next day I went into class, and we filled a chart with the differences in organisms across the board. Finally, we came down to the distinction between prokaryotes and eukaryotes. I raised my hand to supply the answer.
“Prokaryotes/eukaryotes (I can’t remember which one it actually was) have peptidoglycan in their cell walls.” I stated triumphantly, using the pronounciation I had so painstakingly devised. Mr. Von Wirt considered me for a moment, then turned to the board to write this down, half-muttering “peptidoglycan”, only he pronounced it like ‘pep-tih-dohg-ly-can’.
To cover my shame I ask: why even devise such a ridiculous word?
Ps. Crabs are more closely related to barnacles than limpets are.
Pps. Pandas aren’t classified as real bears.
*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.
