Paris, 1482: Everyone’s Getting Some But Frollo
Victor Hugo scares me! I don’t want to meet him!
Before last night I was able to remember fondly sitting down to watch the quirky Disney movie, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Unfortunately, as is the case with most Disney movies, I was much to young to notice how INCREDIBLY DISTURBING IT REALLY IS.
Which isn’t to say that it’s not a great movie. I had quite a lot of fun watching it. For instance; a man with a big moustache gets sat on by a horse. Classic.
While Quasimodo’s dreamy conversations with gargoyles and the way ‘Phoebus’ sounds a lot like ‘Fetus’ when spoken too quickly were very distracting, I couldn’t help but be intrigued by the character of Frollo.
First of all, what a fantastic name. I mean, really. FROLLLLLOOOOOO. It’s amazing. His incredible robes and unhappy toad-pancake hat just made me love him all the more. Plus, the fact that he was way crazy and completely sex-deprived. And I mean really.
Even little bumpy Quasimodo seemed to be getting more than our dear Frollo. Seriously, the mutation goes out for one day and already scores a chick! (For the purposes of my argument, I’m going to leave out the part about his heartbreak over Esmerelda and how she doesn’t, technically, give a crap about him) Poor Frollo has been sweeping along the Parisian streets for centuries without getting any. He probably could have even scored with Quasimodo’s mom, but noooo he’s supposed to be all CELIBATE. Or is he? It was rather confusing I’m not sure if he was an authority of the church or not.
Anyway, I shared his pain until the whole “omg esmerelda u be dancin in my fire! i luvs u but i feels dirty. i wil kill u to maek the crazies stop happenin in my heds” thing. Then, I just decided he was a total bamf.
To get off the subject of sexually repressed wrong-doers, I just briefly scanned the summary of the actual story on Wikipedia. My grief is boundless. Y’all should check it out! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hunchback_Of_Notre_Dame
